I'll admit it. I tend to have a certain degree of negativity surrounding me. It's not something I'm proud of. It's just that my moons do not usually align. I'm not feng shui.
I've realized it more and more recently because my friends and family have been bringing it up. For example, someone will ask, "Hey Lindsay, do you want to come over and watch Ugly Betty with us tonight?" My typical response would be, "I don't do Ugly Betty." Negative? I think not. Honest? Yes. Why beat around the bush? If I don't like something, why put myself through it? I just happen to be very sure about what I like and don't like. According to them, however, it's negative.
I don't think saying no necessarily means being negative. And I say no a lot. But every time I respond with, "I don't do.....," someone rolls their eyes. Seriously, it cannot be that bad. It's not negative, it's honest. There are certain things I do not do, and I am confident in my choices. Period. But after taking their comments into heavy consideration I decided to try a new approach.
This week at work I had some serious stress. I had a deadline, and a number I had to reach. 100%. I needed to be there by Friday. And the frustrating thing was, it was completely out of my control. There was absolutely nothing I could have done to bring us up to 100%. It was out of my hands. We were looking good until a new student enrolled which threw my numbers off. No problem. I just needed to make a few calls and get the problem taken care of. Turned out, the new student needed more testing. This is when my stress levels increased. Testing tends to take longer than a few days and I only had four. But someone came out, tested her, and I thought I was home free. I wasn't.
The tests revealed that the student needed more tests. And those tests could take up to two months due to a backlog. TWO MONTHS??? I didn't have two months. I had four days. I was getting pressure from my boss, she was getting pressure from her boss, and so on. I knew that it wasn't my fault. But when the name of my school is printed on the super's log, and it isn't listed as 100%, I will get no disclaimer. No little star saying, "It isn't Lindsay's fault. A kid transferred in late." It will just be the name of my school and ninety-something percent. Not good enough.
I was negative. And pissed. This was ridiculous. Her testing was due last May. LAST MAY! Why was it just now being addressed in October? And it was going to fall on me. Such boodgie. When the evaluator came out to test her that Tuesday and told me she was recommending more testing, I was not happy. I wasn't rude or anything. But I did let her know the urgency of getting this done by Friday. She said something about having her supervisor call my principal to explain why I would not make 100%. As if that would do any good.
After she left I let my principal know about the situation. And then I fired off a letter to one of my indirect supervisors letting them know and asking why in the world testing was recommended five months after it was due. I don't know why I did it. I knew the answer, but it got my point across.
Well, she forwarded the message to someone else, they sent it along, and after five or six people saw it, it came full circle back to me. Boy did I feel stupid. I didn't mean for everyone to see my bitchy complaint. And it turns out that the lady who did the testing wasn't even the one who was supposed to do it. She was doing us a favor.
I needed to save face and throw some positivity out into the world. I tracked down the evaluator's name and wrote a very nice thank you email. I let her know how much I appreciated her coming out on such short notice and for trying to help me find a solution to the deadline situation.
I had given up. It was official. I wouldn't make 100%. I felt so stupid. This is my first year in this position at work and I want to prove my worth. I want to show how I can handle this new position. I want to prove I'm worth it. But if my first big deadline is a failure, how the hell can I?
I decided to move on. 99% isn't perfect, but it is close. And I tried everything I could.
Friday was early release. I went to my faculty meeting. I'll admit I was in the dumps. I just wanted to get home and pretend nothing was wrong. But just before shutting down my computer I decided to check my email. There was one from my sort-of supervisor. The one I had complained to. What could she want? It was a forward from the testing department. It said that the student's testing was complete and closed up. WHAT? I couldn't believe it. I didn't believe it! I pulled up her information in my system, and there it was. She was locked up.
The emotions I felt over some silly paperwork are too embarrassing to admit. But I felt like crying. I felt like singing. I pictured myself in the role of Maria in The Sound of Music. The Hills were Alive!!
I'm sure it's hard to imagine the joy I experienced at that moment. But sweet hallelujah- I made 100%!
Karma is a wonderful thing. I consider this a sign.
More positivity = better outcome.
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