Verbal Vomit

Okay. There are times in my life when I blurt out what I am thinking and then instantly regret it. This happened to me just recently.

While at a stoplight I glanced over and noticed a very old woman rockin' out to a song in her car. I couldn't believe it. I had never seen an oldie rock so hard. Her neck was flinging around like a sista with attitude. Seriously! So I got all pumped up and told my friends. Their enthusiasm was lacking. I got little response from them if any, so I urged them again to take a gander at this old lady. She was rockin and rollin!! And as my friends watched her for a few seconds, it dawned on me that by now a new song must have come on, and there had been no break in her moves. It was at that point that my friend said she didn't think the old lady was rockin' at all. She probably had Parkinson's. Oops.

Last year one of my students came in with a temporary ID sticker that he had obviously used for the entire week. Those suckers are valid for only a day. I saw it barely hanging on to his shirt, curled on all edges, with four days worth of fuzz on the curled backing. I should have told him to go get a valid ID badge. Instead I asked him where he got that raggedy-ASS sticker. The class went wild. I wanted to crawl under my desk and hide. Me cussing in front of them is a shocker and they went berserk.

During my first professional teaching job, I was called in to the principal's office to discuss a student. At the end of our conversation, the principal complimented me on my shirt. Rather than gracefully accepting her kind words I said, "Thanks! Ten bucks at Old Navy!" Why?

These examples indicate embarrassing times in my life, but my real problem is throwing my opinion around without considering whether others want to hear it.

I once had a boyfriend refer to his beer-belly as a 6-pack. Immediately I blurted out, "More like a keg!" Ouch.

A few months ago I compared my brother-in-law to a pimp when I said that he whores my sister out to their boss. She told him what I had said. That was a fun one. He is one of the nicest people I know- and in no way shares traits with pimps. But I said it and had to own up to it. The worst part by far was apologizing and trying to explain why I said it in the first place. Imagine me with a shovel. I was digging, and digging, and digging.....

My grandmother didn't speak to me for almost a year. I won't even repeat what I said to her.

My problem is that at the time I believe what I am saying. My emotions are high and my brain doesn't quite grasp the concept of consequences. As soon as I calm down, though, my adrenaline slows and I actually THINK. I regret what I have said. I wish I could take it back.


Because what I have said is usually not what I meant.
Except that sometimes it is.