Okay. Here's the deal. I cannot stand dumb people.
They are everywhere. It seems like every time I turn around I am face to face with someone who is in serious need of some special academic attention. Some people think that they are funny and original and oh-so-clever.
Years ago I worked in an urgent care clinic. We had a sign-in sheet to keep track of the order in which people came in. The clinic ran on a first-come-first-serve basis. Unless someone was bleeding or dying. Then they were rushed back for some serious band aids or CPR. But otherwise you could bet on a good two to three hour wait. I can't tell you how annoyed I would get every shift. Here are some things that bugged me the most.
#1. When signing in, they would get to the "reason for visit" column and snort, look up at me, and sarcastically say, "I'm sick." Guess what genius... not everyone in here is sick- some people were drug testing for work, some were getting school physicals, some merely getting their weekly blood pressure checks. And could ya be a little more specific maybe? "I'm sick" hasn't quite narrowed down the field of what ails ya buddy.
#2. When signing in, they'd get to the "sex" column. All I needed was a simple male or female. They'd think they were funny by giggling and looking at me saying, "Yes, please!" How original.
#3. Sometimes they'd sign in and sit down, and then some poor guy would come in with a friend on each side holding him up. Blood gushing from him. Bloody guy would get rushed back to our trauma room and without fail, Mr. I've Got a Sore Throat would step up to my desk and say how he was here first. How come that guy got to go back before him? Ummm. Sir- maybe if you step into the restroom, take a knife, slide it across your skin with some deep pressure, and lose two pints of blood we can let you sit next to him in the trauma room.
#4. After seeing the doctor, patients would be guided up to me for check-out. I'd tell them their total amount due and many would look at me like I'd asked for their first-born. "I didn't get a prescription, why do I have to pay?" Excuse me? People. Just because you are diagnosed with a virus, which means antibiotics would do no good, doesn't mean you don't have to pay for the time you spent with the doctor. When you buy a head of lettuce and it rots in the fridg because you didn't eat it do you run to the store and demand a refund? Think about it.
Now, presently I work one day a week at a luxury car dealership. I'm in the service department and get to ask customers for thousands of dollars after their cars get fixed. I gotta tell you. People who drive $80,000 cars are some of the cheapest around. And extremely demanding.
#1. A professional basketball player in the NBA who makes millions recently picked up his $85,000 car and bitched about the $41 tax on his bill. Guess who I no longer cheer for during Mavs games.
#2. I love it when poor folks who think they're hot shit because they drive a BMW come in. Two came in this summer after one of them drove his car through a deep puddle of water after some flash flooding in the city. The car stalled and wouldn't start. After getting it towed in they sat in the lobby all day long. I'm serious. They were there longer than me. After about eight hours there, they got up the nerve to ask for a loaner car. That's fine and dandy, but you've gotta have a credit card to take one out. Mr. Moneybags didn't have a credit card. Neither did his friend. "I have the money, it's not like I'm poor. I mean, I drive a BMW!!" Right. He did drive a BMW. But it was around fifteen years old and wouldn't start. You are a superstar dude. They eventually got a cab to make it to the club that night.
#3. One very rich guy came in and used his black American Express card to pay his tab. I made a comment about how I'd only seen a few of the black cards. Big mistake. He proceeded to tell me how it's made of titanium and can be used as a weapon on planes because if you file a side of it down it can slit someone's throat. Good thing airline security doesn't confiscate credit cards.
#4. Most everyone goes over their bill with a fine-toothed comb. And they always ask what the "miscellaneous" charges are. Usually it's only about three bucks. But remember, these people are CHEAP. We explain that those are shop charges for things like nuts and bolts that we don't itemize on the bill. They fight those few dollars a lot.
#5. I get really annoyed when people come in to pick up their cars at 2:03 when we closed at 2:00 P.M.
#6. I get really annoyed when people come in at 2:03 to buy parts. Guess what. The parts department closes at 2:00 also. And no, I cannot jump over the counter to grab whatever part you need. No, I cannot go to the back to see if they are still here. No, if the door is locked I cannot unlock it and let you in. When the door is locked and the lights are out, my guess is that they are closed for good.
#7. Today a guy was given his key up at the counter. His car was parked out front. Someone then pulled up in a silver four door BMW and the customer turned to me and asked how they could drive his car when he had the key in his hand. Guess what guy. There are a lot of silver four-door BMWs on this lot and my guess is that the one he just pulled up in isn't yours.
#8. I just try to get through my shift by being polite to every customer. But they make it hard when I ask how I can help them and they rudely reply with, "I'm here to pick up my car, why else would I be here?" Um. Well, you could be here to get a loaner car, buy parts, apply for a job, ask for directions, ask where the restroom is, meet with a service advisor, or complain to a manager about god knows what.
#9. When I tell you that so-and-so has your keys and paperwork at his desk I want you to go to his desk. You don't need to tell me that you just talked to so-and-so and he said your car is ready. I already know that your car is ready. But so-and-so has your keys and paperwork at his desk. Go and get it you lazy bastard.
#10. When I tell you that so-and-so hasn't brought your paperwork up to me, please don't tell me to look at the papers on my desk. I am well aware of what paperwork is on my desk. And I don't need you telling me where to look. If your advisor hasn't brought it up you need to get with them. I'm sorry that you may have to walk an extra fifty feet.
#11. Don't ever compare yourself to me trying to one-up me. I know that you drive a BMW. And if you have to point out the fact that you have one and I don't, then my guess is that you have some serious esteem issues and may be using your BMW to compensate for something that is lacking in your life. Hmmmmmph.
I generally try to be a happy person. I don't consider myself a savant of any kind. But maybe if people took a minute to think before they spoke then I wouldn't get annoyed as often and the world would be a happier place. It may even lead to peace in the Middle East.
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